Small but Mighty: A Look at Decorative Cherub Rights

Look at almost any vintage lamp, candelabra or soap dish and it's undeniable: cherubs work hard. You see them, alone or in pairs, hoisting up at least four times their weight-- reliably, endlessly, without so much as a whimper. They're like tiny, celluline-ridden Atlases, really. And you've gotta give them credit: they put in the time and effort. And they get absolutely zip for their trouble.

I suspect they're not protected under child labor laws, either. So I've been wondering what would happen if they unionized. With a union behind them, they could negotiate for shorter hours, greater respect and increased awareness of their indentured servitude. Of course, if they organize, they're going to need a name.

I suggest: The Freedom and Liberation Association of Putty (F.L.A.P.)


Can you imagine coming home and finding the soap dish flat on the counter-- its pedestal figure complete AWOL? Or the lamp toppled to the table, its shade bent, bulb broken, and the harp askew?

Oh, I know they'd be sticking it to the Man (er, Woman, in this case). I'd have to prop my lamp up some other way. I'd have to find some other place to rest my guest soaps. But I suppose that would be the price I'd pay for my years of ignorance and neglect. And I think we could work it out, F.L.A.P and I. They could cut back to 40-hour weeks, with maybe overtime when I had guests. Reasonable coverage is all I ask.

I just hope they wouldn't hit me up for healthcare. Small wings, fat bodies: I see a lot of Worker's Comp wing sprains in the future.