I am a clumsy fucker

Now that I am nearly back to my usual sunny disposition, I thought I would enlighten you on certain aspects of me. I see a lot of these "pick three words to describe you thingys" going around. I couldn't/wouldn't attempt to do that, as I think nearly every descriptive word can be applied to yourself at one point in time. Its just that certain words resonate louder for longer amounts of time. So I thought I would do them word by word, whenever I feel like it. One that has haunted me from childhood is Clumsy! Note I use the word haunted, by jove this word has fucking haunted me!

Yes, yes, I know its hard to believe, but I am a severe danger to myself. I have long given up the idea that I can actually walk through walls and doors, unfortunately I haven't given up the habit of walking into them. At the moment I have two stubbed big toes, a scabby elbow (hit hard on door frame) and a bruise on other arm from an unprovoked door attack. Not to mention the twice tripping over of cables and nearly ripping modem out of socket. That's just from the past few days, funny aint it? (No!).

I was constantly reminded as a child that I was a clumsy sod, with lots of 'watch out!' being hurled at me. If anyone is going to stand on dog shit today it will be Claire and of course it was.

Recent quote off the mum "Well you were accident prone". Gee thanks mum, now looking back at it, I think I had some form of dyspraxia.

How do I manage to survive in this world with so many dangers all around me? Fuck knows!

Examples of recent buffoonery:

Was walking along with friend, just a normal flat pavement, no hazards, seconds later.

Friend: Claire why are you on the floor?

Me: I fucking fell over!

Friend: I know, I saw you. But theres nothing to fall over.

Me: /sigh I know, it must be my ankles or something....

Friend: Need a hand getting up?

Me: Fuck off! I mean no....thanks.

As I am so clumsy, that means team sports are out of the question. Why is that? Because I am more likely to catch a ball with my face, than I am with my hands (yes that has happened, several times). So hiking is a perfectly acceptable 'sport' for me, well apart from the tripping hazards and possible falling off mountains to my death. If anyone is going to fall over whilst out hiking, guess who it is?

Picture this, I am jogging along  and catch up with mates who have hiked on a bit ahead:

Friend:What took you so long? Taking bloody photos again?

Me: Ermmm yes!

Friend: Why are you covered in mud? Are your pants ripped too?

Me: /whistles.

Friend: You fell over again, didn't you?

Me: Hahahaha no.

Friend: You did! ahahahahaha.

Me. Piss off!

Hiking is still worth it, even for a clumsy fucker like me: Check out the pictures! Hiking Posts.
So there you go, now you know that I am a right clumsy sod.