Sunday, August 2, 2009

Signs You Might Be a Vintage Lamp Addict


Hi, everyone. My name is Jenn... and I'm a vintage lamp addict.

(Chorus: "Hi, Jenn!")

I have been picking up interesting old lamps willy-nilly at thrift stores and antique malls for... oh... six years now. But I know I'm not the only one. No, indeed-- studies say Vintage Lamp Addiction affects one in 50. And it is the most popular thrifting addiction right after Wicker Basket Amassment Syndrome, Pyrexia, and Dishaholism.

And so I thought that today, as a Thrift Shop Romantic public service, I would detail for everyone, the top signs that you, too, might suffer from this fascinating yet powerful need for unique yet affordable table lighting.

Signs You Might Have Vintage Lamp Addiction
  • Your hands tremble slightly each time you approach a thrift store lighting section
  • You pick up chandelier crystals at flea markets and salvage yards "just in case."
  • You have three lamps in every room, but only two outlets. And you don't care.
  • You hoard rewiring kits the way some people collect cats.
  • The sight of a box of interesting fennials, or a roll of shade fringe, leaves you a little breathless and dizzy.
  • When you hear people use the phrase "time to cut the cord" you immediately envision a lamp with a wiring problem.
  • When you have a lighbulb idea go off in your head, you can also identify the wattage.
  • You named your daughter Tiffany after your favorite lamp manufacturer. Her middle name is "Wisteria." Your son's name is Dale.
  • You catch yourself checking out the lighting in pubs, those restaurants with all the stuff on the walls, and movie sets.
  • For Christmas, some people ask for new socks or jewelry. You request socket sets.
  • At the corporate holiday party, you're the only one who comes to the party already wearing the lampshade on your head. You bring spare shades for others.

Yes, Vintage Lamp Addiction plugs thrifters into a strange subculture of electricity consumption and unending lamp display rotation. Rehabilitation is rarely successful; addicts find the fascination almost impossible to kick. We see an exciting specimen of lampness and suddenly, we are reaching for our wallets. Before we know it, we are embracing our new find on the way to the car.

We can't help it. You might say, we're simply wired this way!

Otherwise, I hope you see your smiling faces here again this coming Wednesday, for more Treasure Box fun!

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