One legged brain tumours

What do you call a one legged brain tumour?

Doris, Boris or Mumborg?

Mumborg

Ooops not in the best taste, but yes, the mumborg has a brain tumour (also only one leg, if you didn't know). This is not a tale I am unfamiliar with, let us go back in time.......(insert time travelling music, diddly doo diddly doo ~ erm think dream sequence noise in Wayne’s World).

1987
There once was a little girl called Claire, she was six years old and her mum had a brain tumour. The doctors removed the brain, erm I mean tumour, and the mum was all better.

Fast forward back to the present time (diddly doo diddly doo etc etc)

2010
There is a woman called Claire, who is 28 years old and her mum has a brain tumour. Okay things haven’t been that plain sailing since 1987, but I didn’t want to ruin the momentary fairytale moment. Meningioma is latest thing to be added to the list of ailments that the mumborg has. I have known for a few months now, but it was thought to be benign and not that bad as far as brain tumours go. The specialists have now decided that it may be malignant and a tad more serious.

What do you do when you get bad news? 

I write, I read, I hide on my own, I think, I drink and cry alone. Okay I don’t drink, it just rhymed and I went with it, being drunk would just make me feel worse. The thing that comes last on my list of ‘What I do’ is Talk. Putting what I am feeling into words that are spoken versus words that live in my head or written down, is a lot harder for me. In fact I would probably doodle a lot of pictures, before wanting to talk. Hence why it has took me awhile to write anything onto the blog, which has an audience and therefore almost like scary talking. I so wanted to make it past a year! A year without having to say that mumborg was ill again, just one year would have been great. I will find out late October time, what the plan of action is going to be. The specialist will probably have to try the suck it and see method, as there are a lot of things to take into consideration when it comes to the mumborg. For now she is doing okay and is her usual cheerful upbeat self. This is just another bump in the very bumpy road that the mumborg powers along in her electric wheelchair. I'm okay if she is.

Doodles
Let's talk about doodles, because they make me happy. In 2008 I doodled these doodles, illustrating a breast self exam and just the other week I had a few emails about whether people could use them. The old ones apparently appear a lot in google images and it is Breast Cancer awareness month soon, so seemed like a good time to do some new ones, as it is such a good cause!Please let me know if you, firstly like them and secondly want to use them, especially if you are writing about Breast Cancer awareness.

They can be found on their own page 'Breast Self Exam', please visit them and have read about other charity/awareness doodle type stuff. Here is a wee glimpse:

Art + Therapy = Art Therapy part 2

/climbs out of the chasm of doom......
/looks round sheepishly

Okay here is my explanation of what was going on in my head whilst I was doodling this: Just click the image to BIGGIFY and read Part One if you haven't already or need a refresher: Art + therapy =???

What was going on in my head the wordier version:

When I signed up to do the art workshop, I thought I would be much further along with catching up with all my assignments than I was. I knew there was going to be qualified therapists, trainee therapists etc at the workshop and was already feeling out of my depth. So when they said the first task was 'Draw how you are feeling right now' , my thoughts where:

•  Use a pen, you can draw well with that!
•  Ohhh white paper will look good
•  God I hope they don't ask me about assignments or placements
•  Urggh Assignments, that pile of doom haunting me
•  Wow I feel like crap now, must add some clouds
•  More rain!
•  Oh dear it looks too sad now, I do have fun sometimes!
•  Happy stuff?
•  Erm doodling, gardening, the sun? 
•  Lets Emphasise the two areas, by drawing a line round the middle bit
•  More rain!

Why do something like this:
By using my own doodle, I wanted to highlight just how much information you can get from a person, with a simple doodle. It opens up an avenue of conversation that you otherwise wouldn't have. There are no really wrong answers, just observations that may or may not lead the conversation somewhere. If you read the comments and/or left one in the previous post, you will see how much people saw in the doodle. I was quite honestly shocked that so many of you saw so much and were bloody spot on! Not just regular readers, but new readers left such thoughtful and thought provoking comments, that I can't thank you enough for taking the time to do that.

What now?
I have been at a crossroads for a while now, especially in regards to my studies and what to do next. I have not formulated a concrete plan of action yet, but I am closer to making some decisions! I have mentioned previously that I may retire this blog, but I am not going to do that. I know that was rather bloody cryptic, but I just wanted to say something and offer some explanation about why this blog has been so neglected as of late.


Doodle Stuff:
I have been doing a lot of stuff in the world of doodle, that I can't mention at the moment. Here is a sneak peak of something that I have been working on. As and when I can say more, I will! Honest.

Grammar Nazi:
I have a problem, a grammar problem. In an effort to improve the way that I write, I am trying to be more vigilant with grammar. One of the things I always seem to make a hash of, is the use to/too, but never two. I broke out in a grammar induced sweat, just writing those short sentences. I am not aiming for perfection, I like the stream of conciousness/ramble style of writing that seems to come naturally to me. Any tips on how to improve the editor within? At the moment I am using things like this to improve my inner homophone.


Tweet

Art + Therapy = ??

Apologies for the lack of postings of late, I sucketh greatly at the 'once a week' target I set for myself. Life got in the way and I wrote the posts in my head, instead of on here. The people that have read this blog for a long time, have begrudgingly got use to my erm erratic blogging schedule, but the new readers haven't. So I would just like to say thank you to the people that have always read this blog and thank you to the new folk that thought I had fell into chasm of doom and was unable to escape and blog.

Click it to biggify it

Last weekend I went to an Art Therapy Workshop, got a certificate and everything! I love certificates, especially my endeavour swimming ones .....

At the start of the session we were asked to write on post-it notes our Hopes and Fears about the session, you can see my answers in that first image.

What is on my mind?

After we talked briefly about Art Therapy, we where then set a task to draw what was on our mind at that very moment. In front of us there was a box full of material, different paper, colours, pen, pencils, chalks, paints, glue sticky things etc etc. After we chose our materials we were given twenty minutes or so to come up with a image.

Click to biggify

I challenge you:
My Challenge to you, is to tell me as much about the above drawing as possible, what do you think was on my mind? It is not a proper test, just an idea of how talking about a picture may work in a counselling/therapy session. I would love to know what you think! (really).
In the workshop we were split into groups of three and each had ten minutes to discuss and interpret each of our drawings. Then we went back to the group and discussed the experience as a whole.

Art means this to me:
I know that arty type things is not for everyone. It can evoke flashbacks to an evil teacher, disapproving parent or other lame adult figure, voicing their opinions that you just can't draw, so why bother? Why do people bother to sing in the shower? You know what type of singing I mean, that god awful killed a cat screeching hell noise. Why do people do it? Because they bloody love it! They know it sounds awful, but who gives a shit! Sure there is that small percentage of people that sound like a angel or one of the three tenors, but the rest of us plebs, just do it for the fun. The same applies to art, well it does for me.
Picking up a pencil and doodling can just be like that, FUN! It can also tap into that little person that lives inside, that little person wants to talk sometimes, they may want to tell their older self something that is buried away and they might think it is time to talk about that.The simplest stick figure in the world with a frown is telling you something, something that might be hard to talk about.

Obviously a one day workshop does not make me an Art Therapy Shaman, but I have witnessed the very powerful way in which it can work and I would love to learn more about it. For now I am going to use art in the way that I know and love, which is doodles.

Doodling enables me to tap into the little person that makes me doodle things like this....

Happy Clients  - The Therapist/Client relationship never really ends

Now was that worth waiting for or what? Maybe I should have took some more time off from blogging.....

I will do an Art Therapy Part Two if people seem interested and play along with the challenge.
Tweet

The feet are always watching or something

Foot Therapy

Greetings Earthlings and those just visiting, welcome to a weekly round up post of sorts.

Garden stuff

Carrots, beetroot, courgettes, potatoes, onions, radishes, lemon basil, raspberries and four types of lettuce are growing! I have also planted several containers with alpines in some and flowers of another sort in the rest (my brain just farted and have totally drew a blank on their names). Also have two huge bags of manure that has to decompose a bit more, before I can fling it around the garden. Then it is back off to the garden centre to purchase more plants! I might get round to taking some photographs next week, if the weather stays lovely and if I can be arsed.

Doodle and Thinking Stuff

The doodle at the start of this post was inspired by a new cartooning blog 'Therapy Tales'. Well it was this doodle in particular that set it in motion 'Eye Contact'. If you have ever been in therapy or actually in any situation where eye contact is awkward at best, then you can definitely get this cartoon. Pictures, well doodles, do say a million words.

As Therapy Tales is told from the perspective of the client in the therapist/client relationship, this got me thinking about my own 'Augghhhh' moments when it comes to myself donning the cap of 'therapist/counsellor'. It will mean the end of a lot of things, maybe even this blog, but also the start of a whole new adventure.

Click to BIGGIFY!

BUT before any of that happens, I am still fighting the good fight against this dude and by fight, I mean flapping a wet flannel in his general direction.

Click to Biggify

He is the......Procrastinating Poltergeist, my arch nemesis! One of the many beasts in my Mental Health Monsters Menagerie, along with the  Boggart..The lovely Mr James Clayton reawakened these beasts with his Haiku Beasts. These Mental Health Monsters are an ongoing project, mainly in my head at the moment, but something that I definitely want to develop further. It seems that people have really identify with them, whenever I have mentioned them previously, so I want to unleash more.

I rather enjoyed writing the Paradigm post and the comments that you left really added something to it. It was awesometriffic that you could follow what I meant, as I worry that what makes sense in my head, is never going to translate that well to the written (typed) word. I have already decided on what the next word will be and this doodle and blog is a clue of sorts.

Tumbling:

As you know I am a big twitter user (If you didn't, you do now), I have also added tumbling to my ever increasing web presence. My particular tumblr blog is called Other bits and pieces and I am using it as an bookmarker/idea dump. Instead of just gathering information for endless blogposts and never doing anything with it, the tumblr blog is there to keep up the momentum for when I have a mind bubble moment. Then I get to put all that mindbubbly stuff in a huge wiffly waffly post like this, hooray.

/end waffle

Paradigm erm what? A word adventure.

I have been thinking again.................. I know, I know, what am I doing that for?

It all started with a simple tweet from @zebraspolkadots, and a link to her blog post Claiming A New Paradigm...For Myself. This post intrigued me, in fact just the word 'paradigm' grabbed my attention. So then she wrote this post Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself-Part 2  and finally part 3.

Paradigm is/was one of those words that registered somewhere is this brain of mine, but I wasn't sure why and it what context I had heard the word previously. So I decided to go on a google adventure of sorts, find the origin of my paradigm memory and then try to understand the context in which @zebraspolkadots intended in her posts. My brain has felt more than flabby lately and I fully admit to not knowing everything, even though at times I act like the worlds biggest smart arse. Why pretend to understand something when I plainly don't?  It is exciting and challenging learning new things,so hold onto your hats, because I may confuse you, as much as I confuse myself with this post.

First I insert 'Paradigm' into the great googly moogly and trawl through the results until I get a 'Bingo!' moment. That is when I read something that either tickles a memory and/or makes sense to me.

The bare bones definition is:

The word paradigm ( Greek:παράδειγμα (paradigma),composite from para- and the verb δείχνυμι "to show", as a whole -roughly- meaning "example") has been used in linguistics and science to describe distinct concepts.

A more realistic definition for me:

The most annoying and misused word in the English language; used intentionally by stupid people to sound smart or by smart people to sound unintentionally stupid. Urban Dictionary

The first thing that tickled a memory was seeing these images whilst reading about 'Paradigm Shift'

Old Woman and Young Woman My Wife and My Mother-In-Law, by the cartoonist W. E. Hill, 1915 (adapted from a picture going back at least to a 1888 German postcard)

Duck/Rabbit Source: Jastrow, J. (1899). The mind's eye. Popular Science Monthly, 54, 299-312.

Both of these images, show how you can look at the same thing and in turn 'see' two different things. Nothing about the image changes, just your perception of it. A dude called Thomas Kuhn, knows a lot more about this subject than  I do 'Paradigm Shifts'.

But that is not the paradigm you are looking for.....(said in Obi-Wan Kenobi stylee)

So on I plod in search of this elusive Paradigm definition that would make sense to me and I try not to get ahead of myself with 'paradigm shifts', before I actually know what a Paradigm really is.

It seems that I have wandered into the world of, god forbid, buzzwords... You know those horrid things that sales and marketing people love to use, as they target us poor members of the public. People really don't like buzzwords and jargon, as seen here , but underneath all the bullshit, they are metaphors that can be applied to all sorts of life situations.

Heard of the term 'Thinking outside the box' ? Did you ever wonder what the box was, what was inside that box? Well it turns out the 'box' is in fact a bloody paradigm! Who would of thunk it, that bloody box holds a lot of information. In that box a lot of things lurk, dark nasty things, like:

• The World is flat
• Creation instead of Evolution
• Moon is made of cheese
• Other evil things 

Outside the box, lives Blue Skies and all sorts of lovely things, in fact, outside the box the possibilities are endless. It even holds the key to solving the Nine Dots Puzzle! woo hoo.

So it seems, that I am in fact leaving the science behind and in fact talking about labels that people stick on you, as you plod through life. Think of yourself sat in the box, what labels, or to be fancy, what paradigms have been stuck on you?

Nobody puts Claire in a box! ( Must be said in a Patrick Swayze style R.I.P Mr Swayze)

Actually I am pretty sure people have put me in a box, in fact I have put myself in a box many times over my life. The 'I am ugly' , ' I am worthless', 'I am stupid' and 'I am fat' box, to name but a few. I also know that other people get labelled with damaging things like 'You are mental' 'You are crazy' 'You are broken' 'You are damaged goods' and I am sure you can add a shit load to that list.

People eventually accepted that the earth was not flat, does this mean that eventually people will accept that the labels you are given in this life, are not stuck on with superglue and you can rip them off. I am sure ripping the labels off can be painful, but surely once the sting has gone, the scab really heals over the wounds left by those labels and you can flick it off? Was that a scab metaphor to far? 

I created the doodle during the weekend just gone and to decided to test my twitter followers doodle guessing skills,to see if they could guess what one word prompted the above doodle, without any other information than the actual doodle itself.

After quite a few guesses, one person got it right, so I am sending them the doodle for their hard work, lucky them?

Paradigm Doodle explained: It makes sense to me and that is what really matters......

Click image to make it BIG

Other interesting and far more sensible paradigm like articles are here and here, also a fascinating video featuring Ken Robinson here (really worth a watch).

I don't know what the point of this post was really, I just found the subject rather bloody interesting and would hate to be sat in a box all alone, never to be shifted.

Too Hot Too Cold

Doodle Weather

I wouldn't be British if I didn't moan about the weather, so here it goes! By Cripes it is bloody hot! It has been in the 20's (Celsius) for the past week or so. That is in the 70's for those that use Fahrenheit as the measure of your weather. While some people may piss themselves laughing at the idea of this temperature being scorchio, for me it is!The UK normally operates around the strict temperature of 'Meh' Degrees , neither freezing nor sweltering, just Meh. Any deviation from this and the country grinds to a halt, there is mass hysteria and the Mr Whippy van gets looted.
Okay a slight exaggeration on my part, I know, I know, shocking that moi exaggerates at times. I have actually been making the most of this nice weather and been gardening with the mumborg. By gardening I mean that I have been doing the grunt work, while she decides what plants go where and what seeds are getting propagated. I have not took any photographs yet, as I am still in a period of mourning over losing the DSLR. If things start to grow, look pretty and all that shit, I may take some. If we are lucky, we should have courgettes, radishes, carrots, potatoes, basil and some other crap that I can't remember. I actually thought I was getting a tan, but it turns out it was just soil, so it went after I had a bath.

Doodle Stuff: Those that follow me on twitter may have seen my tweets about doodling in the garden? I took all my drawing stuff outside and had a great time, but I can't share those doodles with you, as they were for a secret project. Maybe one day I can, but at the moment, tough! Not sure why I decided to share or not share that with you all, just excited I guess.
What was good about doing this project, was the time I got to spend using different pens and paper, taking my time and really enjoying the process. My doodle mentor TJ, gave me another great tip about inking the doodles before I apply the colour. This turned out to be great for me, as the lines ending up being a lot cleaner than usual. It was also a revelation that the ink is in fact waterproof, which I found rather cool. So I have started doing that for all my doodles, including the daft one above. So if you have any doodle tips, feel free to pass them along! Or if you want to know anything, please ask!


Music of the moment: Not sure if people even listen to these videos that I post, or give a shit about what music I love, but for the one or two that do, here is my next recommended artist.....Damien Jurado. He is an artist that has been around for a long time, but for some reason is not mega famous, which he should be. I like to think he is my own secret find, but of course he is not. This track is from the 'Caught in the Trees' album, which is brilliant. You should also check out the latest album 'Saint Bartlett' and the project with his brother 'Hoquiam'.


Damien Jurado - sheets from bluelinestyle.com on Vimeo.

Balls flying everywhere

Tis that time of year when people go footie mad and not just because of the Vuvuzela's, although they are feckin awful, click the link if you haven't heard them.World Cup fever has struck again and England are playing a bloody awful game at the moment. Wednesday will either produce a big sigh of relief as they scrape through to the next stage or the swift removal of the all flags and other paraphernalia, with mumblings of 'there is always next time'.
Not that I am even a huge football fan, I just get caught up in all the excitement and then kick myself for wasting time watching the daft game. Unless we win (as in England), then I am a big hairy hypocrite and am all 'IN YOUR FACE WORLD' and 'GET IN THERE, YOU BEAUTY' or something.

Wedding Photographs: I am having a break from editing the wedding photographs at the moment. Suffering from nightmares about your own sisters face is never a good thing! Only joking (sort of). I need to concentrate on some other stuff at the moment and the PC hamsters (Herbert and Sherbert) needed a break from heaving that amount of data around their hamster wheel. I can't afford to turn them into hamster butties just yet, so I am being kind, before they set RSPACPCH (Royal Society for the protection against cruelty to PC hamsters) onto me.

Doodle Stuff: A while back the ever so lovely TJ sent me some paper samples, so I have been using them to practice some more watercolour doodles, some for a secret project and some daft ones, like the one above. Watercolour paper is uber expensive! So I have ordered some cheaper stuff for now and shiny new pens that will make it easier to add the finer details, the Pigma Micron Pen #005 0.2mm Black Ink to be precise. As the Sharpie ultra fine, is nowhere near fine enough and I have made a right pigs ear out of some doodles using the Sharpie.

Other Stuff: I am finally tackling the humongous task of turning this blog into a book, no not for publishing or anything ridonkulous like that. I need to print it out for my personal development folder (for counselling diploma) and it is far too big a job to just print off and bind myself. So I have been looking around for ages to find the easiest and cheapest way to do it. I have looked at Blurb, Lulu and Blog2print so far. It seems there is no easy and cheap way to do it, especially when your blog is nearly 4 years old. Blurb's software looks the best, but it wont even 'slurp' my blog (blurb lingo for uploading). Using Lulu meant converting blog to something else and then uploading and then something else, so I was already switched off. So finally that left Blog2print, this one uploaded the blog easy enough, but seems expensive and have split blog into three books so far...!

Update! Since starting this post I have fixed the blurb issue and it has now slurped! So I am now going to see which ends up being cheaper, will it be blurb or blog2print?

If you have used either please let me know! Or if you have printed off your blog before and made it look lovely, also get in touch.

Music of the moment: I just love the imagery of pines dancing, as a tree hugger, this tickled my fancy indeed. It also doesn't hurt that his voice is beautiful. I give you Mr AA Bondy: I can see the pines dancing.

Tis all the bloody hamsters fault or something

This is herbert and sherbert, they are the hamsters that control my PC and they are feckin useless. I have tried putting hamster pellets in the air vents of my PC, but still it runs like shit. So it must mean the hamsters need replacing or something? Hamster butties anyone?

Doodle news: 

I totally forgot to pimp out this post about yours truly, so if you want a slightly better insight into the inner working of my doodle brain, then please read this 'Artist Profile: Claire Pitt'. Being the modest mary that I am, I am not all together comfortable, if at all, with the title 'artist', but I am a million percent flattered by it.

I should be going on a Intro to Art Therapy day sometime in the near future (if I can find that ruddy piece of paper), so no doubt that will be fuelling more doodle like thoughts and ideas.

Wedding Photography update:

By Christ! Editing wedding photographs is a long job! I am about half way through and I am rather chuffed with some and not so chuffed with others. There are so many things one would do differently, but that is for another post. Hope you like this one? Tis one of my favourites so far.

Music of the moment:

Not sure I have any business writing about music, but I shall plod on nonetheless. For a while now, I have been on folk vibe, listening to music that plucks at your soul ,as well as the odd ukulele.  I have never wanted a triangle and tambourine, as much as I do right now, but luckily for the rest of the world I haven't gotten any (yet).
In the last post I mentioned Evening Chorus, who still need your Vote by the way. In this post I shall mention the next band that has been played rather a bloody lot in my playlist of late..  
                                                 Black Atlantic



They can be found here, here and here

Music news sort of...

Twitter led me to Slowcoustic which led me to Yer Bird Records, which then led them back to me. This is because Yer Bird Records is now run by Slowcoustic and his wife. Anyhoo it is the mother load of Fanfolkingtastic music (including Black Atlantic) and I was over the moon that they wanted to use a few of my photographs for the latest album 'Folk Music For What Lies Ahead' . At last I shall have a teeny tiny claim to fame and glory at last! Ooops it appears to have gone to my head already.

I should have the album in my grasp soon! (Shouldn't I Folk Gods?) and then I can gush more about the fanfolkingtasticness of it all.

Toodle Pip!

The Wedding, the death of Frank and the loss of the DSLR

 This was a doodle I did for Heather and John's save the date cards

Warning this is just a splish splosh of grey matter, garbled together in post like form:

I got back the Highlands of Scotland last Saturday and have been editing the wedding photographs ever since. I took over a thousand myself, then my older sister Jemma acted as second camera, so I have about a 1000 from her camera too!

Here is a one that Heather has seen already:

When I have eventually finished editing them all, I will blogging about what it is like to photograph a wedding as a rank amateur, sweaty palms, feeling sick and all that fun stuff. Also how I felt about having to give back the DSLR camera (boohoo)

On coming home I found Frank, my deformed fish, dead in his plant pot. I know what are you thinking, of course he would be dead if he was in a plant pot! But Frank was very happy in his ceramic plant pot, he was the last fish to survive the deadly fish tank of doom (long story, too tragic).

Really missing blogging of late, the words trapped in my grey matter are really better out than in, well for me anyways. There is WAY too much crap floating around in this noggin of my mine at the moment.


Other stuff:
Being without proper music for nearly two weeks was bloody awful. I think spotify has been on non stop since I got home. It is bands like Evening Chorus, that become a soundtrack to your life, in particular this track in the video below is very relevant to me at the moment. I discovered them via twitter and I am chuffed to have found them before they get uber famous, which they will.

They are in a competition at the mo, so please vote for Evening Chorus HERE if you get the chance, they are a bloody fantastic band.

Evening Chorus:

Get bloody on with it

This is blog is in semi hibernation mode as I get bloody on with stuff, mainly college assignments (Oh deja-vu moment.....)

Other news:
I have a beautiful new niece Arwen Elizabeth, she is two weeks old today.

Not seen the little munchkin yet, as she lives in Hamburg, Germany, with my sister and rest of their family. My younger nephew Connor was not happy that I stayed home to do bloody college work, whilst my parents went over to see the new baby. So the little bugger decided to stab me in the heart with this note, that he gave to the mumborg to pass onto me.

Dear Claire
Why did you stay at home?
Love you lots
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Connor

Wow that kid takes after me, emotional blackmail or what? I will have to kick his wee arse when I see him in May. Well by kick his arse, I probably mean photograph him to death and get him to chant 'Claire is awesome'.

Still doing photo a day thing, if you want to check out those HERE

I am still floating around in the blog aether, don't forget about me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS: Listen to this, I love it:

Yeasayer "ONE" By: Radical Friend from ODDBLOOD on Vimeo.

Bang bang she is brain dead

Used previously in this post 'I am stuck'

For those that regularly read (hey guys), I had previously written about writing a post which dealt with my concerns/fears/thoughts about becoming a therapist. It was just a short paragraph at the end of this post 'Regardless of the mood, the sun still sets' which in turn had come about from this post 'The empty box and brick wall'.If you read those posts and the comments that go with them, which are invaluable to me, you will probably get a better idea of where my head is, at the moment.

The post title is from a combination of things, over thinking things to death and the incessant 'bang bang' of building work all sodding week! That was not helped matters at all.

Sometimes I feel like I am saying the same thing over and over again, the mental goo had its evil grasp upon me back when I first doodled the mental goo doodle and even though at times it felt like I was free from it, I think I was kidding myself.

If you can't stomach my self indulgent whingeing and waffle please gaze upon the pictures, but even they are mainly gloomy.

From my Pennington Flash set

From my Churchyard set

So as the sunsets on this week and a new one starts, I wonder what is in-store for me this week?

From my Door with a view set

Tech News Alert

For those of you that read this blog and use blogger/blogspot yourself, you may be interested to know that you can now use 'pages' on blogger. I have converted my 'about me' into a page, as it was previously just a backdated post. To use this feature you must be logged into 'blogger in draft', which I have set as my default dashboard anyway. Let me know what you think of this and if you come up with any cool uses for it. For me personally it is just another reason not to move to wordpress.

Regardless of the mood, the sun still sets.

After writing last weeks waffle on the evils of those walls made of bricks, I realised I was in dire need of fresh air and good company. So on the Saturday I played out with friends and was even refused entrance to a nightclub because apparently all three of us looked younger than 25. Whilst I admit to looking youthful, the bouncer knew very well that we were old enough to drink in that establishment. Ah well, no harm, no foul, we just toddled over to the nearest pub and gazed upon the strange folk that inhabit my town. Out of the three of us out that night, it is only I that still live in town in which we all grew up. They, out of some morbid curiosity, ever now and then, want to play out in our old stomping grounds, but once there, realise why they are the stomping grounds of old. A good time was still had, but hopefully they have learnt their lesson this time and we pick somewhere decent next time.

The next morning, even though a few sherbets where had by all, I had no hangover! This may be down to consuming a rather large bacon butttie when I got in? We all know that bacon is the food of Gods and drunk people. So I had another one when I woke up too, heh.  The weather was unusually sunny and nice, so I decided to head out with the dad for a spot of birdwatching. This also meant I could take the camera out for a proper play outside, instead of just in the garden. It was more than delightful to out and about, stretching the legs and getting some fresh air! Firstly we went to a small nature reserve called Marton Mere and then headed to Southport. At Southport, I got there just in time to see this beautiful sunset! It was absolutely lovely.

Even as the light began to fade, the scenery still looked so beautiful and peaceful.


Things:
I have noticed, when I feel bad about being behind in college work, I don't doodle.

The post I was going to write, was a post on my thoughts/fears on becoming a therapist, but I couldn't find the words I wanted to use. Then I wondered if it would be something that anyone would like to read? Do you wonder what motivates someone to become a therapist? Do you wonder what scares the shit out of them?

Chasing Rainbows and stuff

Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.
Lord Byron

Read more »

Plot Bunnies, photographs and sunshine

First of all thanks for reading the rather long winded 'Three years and counting' post. Hands up if you just scrolled down to the comments? I know some of you buggers did..... heh.
(click to read definition of 'heh', as my offline folks don't usually have a clue).
Anyhoo it was nice to see folks from the past emerge and comment, I call those folks the 'oldies' and was pleasantly surprised to see new folks comment, those shall be the 'newbies'.

The Evil Plot Bunny

For some it is nanowrimo time once more, this is when some crazy folks crack out a novel in a month. All those that I know doing it, are what I would call writers. This leads me once more into the murky world of writing vs blogging. I am firmly entrenched in the ' I am a blogger' category, because quite frankly calling myself a writer feels utterly ridiculous. In saying that, I feel bad, I have spotted that light, I have followed it down a murky tunnel..... Yes I want to be a writer, I want to write a book and yes I hate myself for it. Alright I don't actually hate myself, but it does feel rather daft and grandiose.

I blame .............The Evil Plot Bunny, that furry creature that leaves droppings of ideas all over the place.

Miss Dorman inspired this doodle, so thanks a lot! (lol)

Mumborg News

The Mumborg should be released on Monday, if they get all the paperwork in order. She had a weekend visit and that went rather well, so huzzah and all that bollocks. It will be nice to finally get back to living and having some fun! For the Mumborg I mean. It has been bloody boring, well up until the removing of the leg part. Once she is all settled in and sorted, I will write a longer update.

Keep reading for more stuff and nonsense
Read more »

3 years and counting

Twas a cold October evening in the year 2006, the wind was howling and the body lay there cold on the floor.... Shit wrong story! Ah hem, forget the body bit. A young (ish) woman was stumbling around the internet looking for an online journal of sorts, something to record her thoughts for a personal development project. It was for her new counselling course, as the old pen to paper of recording thoughts thing wasn't working for her. Somehow she stumbles upon 'blogger' and Bob's your mothers aunt. She ponders for a while on what to call this blog thing (for about 2 minutes), nobody is going to read it anyway, so what does a name matter? Then the poor gal falls down a rabbit hole and awakes three years later.......

Lessons Learnt in Blogging

If you are a newbie blogger or just clueless like I was (well still am), then I think that you will enjoy reading the posts that I wrote for my first and second blogging anniversaries. I have learnt a lot and it really can't all fit into this one post. I will still highlight some of the information from those previous posts, in this post, as I try and sum up three years of blogging fun. This is blogging 'Personal' stylee, not making money, not professional writing, blogging tips or anything like that. This is just my little journey through HTML hell, troll dung and template tiffs.

Year One

My first blogging anniversary was a tad late,who knew you had to write an anniveresary post for every year you don't quit.

The blog looked like this

You can also see it in action here, thanks to the Way Back Machine (records all your old horrors). I have no idea how it works, but maybe you should check to see if your blog is there? Wayback Machine

The first actual incarnation was a horrid green spotty classic template (no offence to those that have the horrid green spotty one, although you could change it). There are No screen shots of that, because I had no clue what a screen shot was.
Main lessons learnt after year one: Posted like crazy, several times a day, twas a bad idea. Tried paid posting, it got boring,fast. Horrid template at first, messed the HTML, did a million memes, got bored.

Year Two

The blog looked like this

The wonderful Design Bug designed this for me and I loved it, still do.

Main lessons learnt after year two: Started doodling again, twas a joy, found more of a 'style', posted a lot less. Made some great friends, not all people on the internet are scary. Rediscovered twitter, found it vastly appealing. Twitter also led me to connect to people closer to where I live.

Keep Reading for more wonderful insights........

Read more »

Operation Lopitoff complete

Well Operation Lopitoff has been completed and I now have a one legged mumborg.

Waiting, waiting and a bit of waiting.

Although I knew that the operation would most likely be on the Friday just gone, it was not for definite. So on Thursday, the triumvirate finally made the decision that the leg would be lopped off on the Friday. I am nicknaming the three surgeons the 'Triumvirate', because it sounds cool and there are three of them. The gruesome thrusome, didn't quite work or sound evil enough. Even though to all accounts they are all lovely and have just fallen victim to my artistic license.
Anyhoo back on track, things were scheduled to kick off at around 11am on Friday morning. I think waiting around for word from the hospital is quite possibly one of the most difficult things about these types of situations. You are literally helpless. If you have flown recently, you may have noticed the flight tracker thingy on the little screen that lets you know the flight progress, one of those would be great for surgery. Although if things started flashing and suddenly went blank, that may cause some concern...
You try not to let your mind wander 'there', my there is the death type of 'there'.  The thought of the mumborg dying on the operating table is a nightmare of mine. But like every surgery, there is that tricky thing of complications and possibilities, so I would rather be armed with the worst possible outcomes, than blind to them.
After sevenish hours of waiting, we finally heard that she was out of surgery and had ended up straight back on her ward. I was expecting HDU at the very least, maybe even ICU time, but for her to be back on her ward was good news. At first when I heard she was back on her ward, I actually hoped that they hadn't done the operation or had somehow fixed the leg. I went through all those thoughts in my head, because I didn't want any disappointment to show in my face. The dad went to see her first, they needed a moment just for themselves. Then a while later, Heather and I went in.
My eyes went first to the large space where the leg and bits once were, in that moment it seemed like a huge chunk of her was missing. It is hard to put into words how it feels in that moment, because as you are looking, your mind is already adapting. I suppose I would go with 'weird', it just felt weird. Then the mumborg speaks and the weirdness fades a wee bit, because it is still her.

It doesn't grow back

As far as the surgeons are concerned the operation went well, even though they are still upset that it came to this. I think they are relieved that things are healing well and mumborg came through the operation in as good a condition as one could expect.

Where is the leg?
The Mumborg was hoping that they would be able to do something useful with the leg, at least study the epic fail of a limb that it is, but alas no. Due to the very heavy restrictions on all things in regards to infection control, the leg had to go straight to the incinerator. I guess that could be classed as a funeral of sorts, well at least a cremation. Unfortunately we don't get the ashes, so when she does pop her clogs in the far far distant future she will be missing a bit.

One Legged Mumborg

I found a earlier model of the one legged mumborg here - One legged hopper

Once the relief kicks in that the mumborg made it through the operation, the realisation that I have a one legged mumborg sets in. You know it is going to happen, you talk about it happening, but then it actually happens. Quite frankly it is rather shocking, a large part of a person you love is missing. Tis not the outward that makes up the essence of a person, so whilst she is incomplete on the outside, inside in a soul like way she is the same person. Does that make it easier to get your hand around? Yes to some extent it does.

What next?

Let us leave that morbid stuff behind and focus on the positive stuff, which is basically wrapped up in one neat package called 'Mumborg'. The mumborg is already 'up' and about, in regards to being allowed in her electric wheelchair, but that is causing some pain, not that she would admit to it. The wound is dry (no ooze or blood) and she may even be allowed off the antibiotics soon. I thought she would be on IV antibiotics for months, but looks like this wont be happening, which is great.
The next challenge is physiotherapy and the question of will she be able to walk on crutches? Considering that her shoulders dislocate all the time and the other leg is not exactly fantastic, this possibility is still very much up in the air. Although the mumborg is determined to walk again, so who am I to discourage that. If things go really well, then she could be home soon and back to being the pain in my arse, hooray!


Random thoughts
Time flies when you are not having fun! Can't believe it has been nearly two weeks since I wrote anything on here. It has been a roller-coaster of emotions, that has left me feeling a bit nauseous and very bloody tired!


If you have only recently joined in on the mumborg adventures just click the 'mum' to find out more.

Introducing Mr Lopitoff

Every story needs a villain, so in the latest Mumborg trials who better than the surgeon who will remove her leg? So I thought I would introduce you to Mr Lopitoff (Not his real name), the Mr is because he is a surgeon and not just a mere doctor. He is supposedly a nice man and a great doctor, but I shall be ignoring that for the sake of artistic license or some such bollocks. Through the power of text and twitter, the mumborg and I reached a compromise with 'Mr Lopitoff', but who knows this may change, especially if we think of something funnier.
The Mumborg doesn't actually read this here blog, because I don't let her have computer access, but she does know that I write about and doodle her. Even so she frequently tells people about the blog, including the lovely hospital chaplain (waves at him and hopes he doesn't notice the bad words). The chaplain was nice enough to print off this doodle for mum's room. It was that doodle that Mr lopitoff commented on and boy will the poor sod rue that day. When the mumborg told me that he, along with a few others on the ward, really liked the doodles (inflated ego alert!), I thought hmmmmm?? What about adding a surgeon to the doodle adventures? Mumborg loved the idea, so poor Mr Lopitoff doesn't know that the Mumborg then enlisted a fellow doctor to steal his picture, so that I had good doodle material to work with. Who knows what will happen to Mr Lopitoff, I suppose it depends on how good a job he does in surgery, No pressure! Actually a shit load of pressure, as I wouldn't want to kill off his character so soon.....

Things you shouldn't hear in surgery:

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.

If you have only recently joined in on the mumborg adventures just click the 'mum' to find out more.

Risking Life and Limb

When writing the post entitled The Resilient Leg, I already knew that the bloody thing wasn't resilient. It should have been called The Resilient Mumborg, as she keeps going even when certain limbs become defective and dangerous. Can you guess where I am going with this post? The thing that I had hoped I would never have to write about, well one of the things anyways. The Mumborg and the not so resilient leg have decided to part ways and it is not on good terms at all. There is nothing more the doctors can do with the leg, other than lop it off, so that is what they will be doing in a few weeks. It takes a while to get things sorted. Teams of surgeons, an operating theatre booked for the day, oodles of blood ready to go. Also the mumborg has to be in as tip top shape as one can be, when one is having their leg removed.

Amputate verb
cut off, remove, separate, sever, curtail, truncate, lop off.

The type of amputation is call a Hind-quarter amputation or a

Hemipelvectomy (posh whatnot name as one of mum's nurses said)

(Science: procedure) amputation of a lower limb through the sacroiliac joint.

How do you feel?
People have asked me, including myself how hearing that the mumborg losing the leg is affecting me.
Do you want to know that I have sat here with tears running downing my face, trying to choke them back at times. I don't want a hug, I don't want sympathy, and I want to cry about it. I don't want the feelings to overwhelm me, but I don't want to ignore them either. There is a sense of relief letting the tears flow and at times snot flows too, then I wipe my face with dressing gown sleeve and carry on. I don't want an audience when I feel like this, I am not bottling it up, it is just mine and for me. So when people ask, I say 'If the mum is okay, then so am I', it is my new mantra. I know it is a shit situation, I know I have every reason to be upset, I also know that words and hugs wont make it all better. That probably makes me sound like an ungrateful wretch, but that is just how I roll. That doesn't mean don't ask me or don't express what you are feeling, I appreciate it, and I really do. It all gets filed into a special place that I know I can dip into when I need it.

When good old Willy wrote this:

"Care I for the limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give me the spirit."

 William Shakespeare quotes (English Dramatist, Playwright and Poet, 1564-1616)

I don't think Willy had the mumborg in mind, or indeed amputation, but for me this sums up what is important. The mumborg is full of spirit no matter what her body has in mind for her, her spirit is as resilient as ever. If she was devastated about this, I have no idea how I would feel, luckily I don't have to go there. As I looked around for more appropriate limb quotes, if there is such a thing, I came across this one

"The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired."

Robert Southey quotes (English Poet and Writer of prose. 1774-1843)

Is that true I wonder? Will time heal the anguish, but leave a loss? Luckily through writing, even when it feels indulgent and emo, I am thankful for this space to write. Mainly because I will be able to look back at this in a few weeks, months or years and see how things have changed for me.


How does the mumborg feel?
The mumborg has had to live with the pain, the operations, the long long hospital stays and everything else. So quite frankly she is more than okay with divorcing this limb. Yet again I went quote searching for a way to sum up how she has explained it to me and this one does it quite well.

"I would consent to have a limb amputated to recover my spirits"

 Samuel Johnson quotes (English
Poet, Critic and Writer. 1709-1784)

Where is the leg going?
Once the leg is removed it will more than likely be incinerated, the mumborg thinks this is wasteful and has asked whether it would be of use to anyone else. That made me laugh , maybe the local zoo would like it for lion food? She wasn't impressed with my suggestion of cremating the leg and keeping it in a mini urn, waiting for the rest of her. I thought it was a practical suggestion, apparently not. Joking aside maybe some medical students can practice their suturing skills on it or something like that, seems a shame to just chuck it in a furnace. Although as I am typing this, I actually think 'Fuck it' and 'Burn that fucker' would be more appropriate.

Final thoughts for now
The operation is going to be horrendous, with side effects of severe blood loss and possibly death, so until the operation stage is over I am just going to focus on the day to day things of life, as best I can. After that I will be looking into the new world of buying one shoe, one legged doodles and all things amputee related.

I have not forgotten about my mental health monsters, I have more than ever developing and welcome the chance to indulge in something that feels rewarding, whilst still being hugely enjoyable.

If you have only recently joined in on the mumborg adventures just click the 'mum' to find out more.

A pictorial update

I am currently working on my next mental health monster post and would like to thank everyone for reading the boggart post! It is reassuring to know that I can write a long post and not cause everyone to run to hills! Hooray for me.

If you have any mental health monster suggestions feel free to leave them in the comment box. So far I have the Procrastinating Poltergeist, who is helped out by the Lethargic Leprechaun and the Imp of Inertia. Also I have the Transference Troll and the Depressed Dragon. Some kind soul suggested the Nymphomaniac Gnome, but I think I will leave that one for now, unless it suddenly becomes a burning issue.

While I am working on the new material, I will throw up some photographs for you to gaze upon.

First is a collage of my cousin Sam's passing out parade, which basically means he has completed his first six months training in the army, Royal Engineers to be more precise.

After the parade, the Dad and I headed through the Cotswolds and had a lovely weekend looking at villages and eating nice food. I would of took a lot more photographs, but had a major battery fail and had to steal these ones off the dad.

The bogart in my brain

This is a wordy post for me; it may cause some people to faint in shock. Not at the content, just the fact that I wrote a long post. 

I was perusing through the several million posts currently languishing in my Google reader. If you don't know what I am talking about, the Google reader is like a dream catcher for blogs or it's actually this Google Reader. Anyhow back to the stream of consciousness that I am currently riding on, whilst perusing I came across a post entitled The Better Bogart Within and thought Aha! That is exactly how I have been feeling lately, so I merrily clicked on it to read more.

Hold the phone! Wait a bloody minute! How could I have been so wrong, that is not the Bogart I have been looking for (lame sort of Star Wars joke). The post in question talks about Humphrey Bogart and I already know from my wee twitter experiment, that Bogart evokes images of Mr Bogart the famous actor. So when I read the word Bogart, what popped into my noggin? 

Which is actually one of these: Boggart

Why did I identify with the Boggart in the first place?

In various children's books and films, the Boggart is something nice that turns into something rather nasty when you upset it, insult it, poke it and just generally piss off the bugger. Well after writing down my feelings of late, I feel like I have been a bit of a Boggart, more to the point I have been feeding mine.

My interpretation of a Boggart, let us call him/her H.Bogart (a nod to good old Humphrey), is that part of you that feeds on all the negative stuff happening around you, on a mostly subconscious level. I say mostly, because sometimes you are more than aware of the stuff that is impacting you negatively. Before you know it, you have manifested your very own Boggart on the brain. My kind of Boggart is not a mythical beast from folklore, but a more tangible beast that lives in my head. What and why have I been feeding this beast of mine?

What does my Boggart eat?

Stress is like a Chinese banquet for a family of six for my Boggart. That stress can be split into handy Boggart sized portions, covering every aspect of my life, from lack of sleep to worrying about a multitude of things. All of this equals one big fat hairy bloody Boggart and if this is all in your head, it can certainly weigh you down. How do you get your Boggart to weigh less? Put them on a ruddy diet! Easier said than done I hear you cry! I have tried diets and they suck monkey's balls. Well guess what? Effort goes into producing a fat hairy bloody Boggart, so effort is needed to lighten the load. Whether it is baby steps or monster steps, just looking in the right direction is a start. Heck thinking about looking in the right direction is a start.

Putting the Boggart on a Diet

Remember your Boggart may be lazy, anti-social and a bit stinky. Also getting him out of that mental closet will prove a tad difficult. Here are some pointers to getting rid of that Boggart mental flab hanging around.

Talk about it- Although you may still be hairy and look like a Boggart, with a bit a spit stuck in your whiskers from all that ranting and raving. I still recommend finding an ear to listen to you, whether that is friends, family, doctor or whatever trusted ear you chose.

Write about it- Not necessarily blog it like me, I am lucky to have this as an outlet. I do occasionally pick up a pen and write on paper! It is a revelation. The good thing about paper is that it burns and it is great at times to write whole load of brain spillage and then burn it. Careful the Boggart may try to eat the paper and crayons, they are funny like that.

Draw it out- Well obviously I love doodling and that works for me. Just think of how many other art forms there are to use and abuse in order to get some of that stuff out of your head. Remember the Boggart and their tendency to eat drawing materials.

Scream about it, Cry about it, Walk it out, Run it out, Swim it out, Dig it out (gardening not lobotomy), Dance it out, Blast it out (musically not explosives).

What do you feed your Boggart? Does it have a name?

Self awareness is the key to combating the inner Boggart; put him/her on a diet if you can. According to folklore the worst thing you can do is give a Boggart a name, but to that I say phooey! 

Don't hate your Boggart; just don't ignore him/her either.

Negative things happen all the time, shit happens, the less polite of us will say. Don't kick yourself in the face when something bad happens, just try and minimise the damage that it does by talking things out, or whatever works for you (See Boggart Diet). If you haven't found anything that works, then try something new. I know, I know, easier said than done in some cases, but that mental shift has to happen to make any difference to your inner Boggart. For your inner Boggart, a lucky horseshoe aint going to do much at all in ridding you of your Boggart like feelings.

Final piece of Boggart Advice: Do not try and escape your Boggart by running away, he will follow you whether you go, unless dealt with correctly. A real Boggart will follow its family from abode to abode, but a mental Boggart lives in your head and you can't escape from yourself. That is not meant to sound all woe is me! Boggart battling may sound scary (or ridiculous), but the outcome is worthwhile.

In my Boggart research I came across this fantastic post and it seems I am not original at all when it comes to using the Boggart as a metaphor for those internal struggles:

Freud, Id, Boggarts And Dementors

Consider my post 'The idiots guide to Boggarts and their ritualistic feeding habits' and the above linked post as 'Boggarts for the Enlightened'. I kind of hate this person for already writing a Boggart post, especially a good one! Curses to them, but it was too good to pretend I hadn't read it and it deserves three thumbs up (Uh oh I am feeling a bit of a green eyed Boggart coming on, back beast,backkkkkkkkkkkkk).


Did this make any sense? If not, just ignore it and blame bloody Humphrey Bogart (What a twat).

/runs off to find a dark closet