World Mental Health Day with Dentists and Books

Today is World Mental Health Day 2010... 10/10/10 and this post is being posted at 10! It was meant to be 10am, but I had a lie in and now its being published a 10pm.

I found the doodling a lot easier, than the thinking, of what to write about this particular subject. So why bother? Well it's a topic that is important to me and for some reason people just don't talk about mental health enough. It should be easy to talk about, well as easy as any other thing, like the dentist. Well unless you are deathly afraid of the dentist, then it will be a little awkward.

The dentist thing stuck with me, it seems appropriate really, as I didn't go the dentist for four years. When I finally went to the dentist, I got a clean bill of dental health (yes perfect teeth for a Brit). I walked away from the dentist office wondering why I had left it for so long. I don't have a phobia of dentists, I just didn't want to pay the check up fee and had no pressing problem. As time went on, I then began to think, what if something is seriously wrong with my teeth? Well I definitely can't afford that. So it was put to the very bottom of the 'to do' pile and forgotten about. Not sure what eventually got me into that dentist chair? One day I just woke up and decided it was something that needed to be done and it was okay.
Whilst being guilty of neglecting myself in the dental sense, I am also guilty of neglecting myself in the mental sense. I found counselling/therapy training by accident, just a daft 12 week course to get my brain ticking over once again. Although I was training to be a therapist/counsellor, the person that was benefiting the most from the course was myself. So I am going to recommend a few books that have really helped me try to explain what this therapy bollocks is all about. It's like taking baby steps to the dentists, you are not quite in the dentists chair quite yet, but at least you are flossing regularly

Books:
I read fiction like its going out of fashion, from Harry Potter to the Shipping News. I love getting lost in someone else's world, whether it's a wizard or a weatherman. Books that are in a more educational style, have been known to suck out all the joy of reading for me. So when it comes to writing book reviews, especially for college assignments, I struggled a lot. So these are three books that I really enjoyed despite my reluctance at reading anything remotely therapy like.

Dibs in search of self; This is the tale of a little boy who doesn't talk or play with the other children, he is just in his own little world. The little boy is special, the conversations that he and his therapist have, are very grown up, because he has such a high IQ. But once you get past that, you are left with a sad little boy who doesn't know how to fit into the world of children. The thing I loved the most about this book, was while you read along and see Dibs slowly changing and becoming a happier child, you also long to have that time again as a child. It really highlights the importance of childhood and embracing your own inner child.

Games people play: This book is unusual, because it is totally outdated on one hand and still relevant in the other. You will read it and see many many people from your day to day life, in the scenarios (games) that are mentioned. Whether it be at the playground with the other mums/dads, in work, or at home with your partner. Whilst reading it you realise just how many games you play yourself and how easy it is to let those games take over. I found the whole book absolutely fascinating.

Couch Fiction:
This is the book I wish we had read right at the beginning of our studies.Although I love doodles and cartoons, I have never actually read a whole graphic novel before. Something about that style of book, I have always found hard to follow. This book has broke that barrier, it is easy to read, funny and informative. I sat in the garden, on what now feels like the only sunny day this summer and devoured it.  If you have wondered about therapy and how a therapeutic relationship forms, then this book illustrates it beautifully. It shows why therapists asks what they ask and why clients hide what they hide. The story flows along and the accompanying notes, if you read them, add so much more to the book.

So why do I like these books?
Very simply put, in the books, they are the therapists I would like to meet (or be), they entertain, educate, and inform me. My Inner child wants to be Dibs, know that I am loved and that everything will be okay. Grown up me wants to know how people tick, what games they are playing and why they are playing them. Future me wants to be like the therapist in Couch fiction, knows that they are not perfect, but seems really okay with that.

If you read any of these books, or already have let me know what you think of them. If you have any recommendations please let me have them.

Happy World Mental Health Day 2010 xx

Art + Therapy = ??

Apologies for the lack of postings of late, I sucketh greatly at the 'once a week' target I set for myself. Life got in the way and I wrote the posts in my head, instead of on here. The people that have read this blog for a long time, have begrudgingly got use to my erm erratic blogging schedule, but the new readers haven't. So I would just like to say thank you to the people that have always read this blog and thank you to the new folk that thought I had fell into chasm of doom and was unable to escape and blog.

Click it to biggify it

Last weekend I went to an Art Therapy Workshop, got a certificate and everything! I love certificates, especially my endeavour swimming ones .....

At the start of the session we were asked to write on post-it notes our Hopes and Fears about the session, you can see my answers in that first image.

What is on my mind?

After we talked briefly about Art Therapy, we where then set a task to draw what was on our mind at that very moment. In front of us there was a box full of material, different paper, colours, pen, pencils, chalks, paints, glue sticky things etc etc. After we chose our materials we were given twenty minutes or so to come up with a image.

Click to biggify

I challenge you:
My Challenge to you, is to tell me as much about the above drawing as possible, what do you think was on my mind? It is not a proper test, just an idea of how talking about a picture may work in a counselling/therapy session. I would love to know what you think! (really).
In the workshop we were split into groups of three and each had ten minutes to discuss and interpret each of our drawings. Then we went back to the group and discussed the experience as a whole.

Art means this to me:
I know that arty type things is not for everyone. It can evoke flashbacks to an evil teacher, disapproving parent or other lame adult figure, voicing their opinions that you just can't draw, so why bother? Why do people bother to sing in the shower? You know what type of singing I mean, that god awful killed a cat screeching hell noise. Why do people do it? Because they bloody love it! They know it sounds awful, but who gives a shit! Sure there is that small percentage of people that sound like a angel or one of the three tenors, but the rest of us plebs, just do it for the fun. The same applies to art, well it does for me.
Picking up a pencil and doodling can just be like that, FUN! It can also tap into that little person that lives inside, that little person wants to talk sometimes, they may want to tell their older self something that is buried away and they might think it is time to talk about that.The simplest stick figure in the world with a frown is telling you something, something that might be hard to talk about.

Obviously a one day workshop does not make me an Art Therapy Shaman, but I have witnessed the very powerful way in which it can work and I would love to learn more about it. For now I am going to use art in the way that I know and love, which is doodles.

Doodling enables me to tap into the little person that makes me doodle things like this....

Happy Clients  - The Therapist/Client relationship never really ends

Now was that worth waiting for or what? Maybe I should have took some more time off from blogging.....

I will do an Art Therapy Part Two if people seem interested and play along with the challenge.
Tweet

The feet are always watching or something

Foot Therapy

Greetings Earthlings and those just visiting, welcome to a weekly round up post of sorts.

Garden stuff

Carrots, beetroot, courgettes, potatoes, onions, radishes, lemon basil, raspberries and four types of lettuce are growing! I have also planted several containers with alpines in some and flowers of another sort in the rest (my brain just farted and have totally drew a blank on their names). Also have two huge bags of manure that has to decompose a bit more, before I can fling it around the garden. Then it is back off to the garden centre to purchase more plants! I might get round to taking some photographs next week, if the weather stays lovely and if I can be arsed.

Doodle and Thinking Stuff

The doodle at the start of this post was inspired by a new cartooning blog 'Therapy Tales'. Well it was this doodle in particular that set it in motion 'Eye Contact'. If you have ever been in therapy or actually in any situation where eye contact is awkward at best, then you can definitely get this cartoon. Pictures, well doodles, do say a million words.

As Therapy Tales is told from the perspective of the client in the therapist/client relationship, this got me thinking about my own 'Augghhhh' moments when it comes to myself donning the cap of 'therapist/counsellor'. It will mean the end of a lot of things, maybe even this blog, but also the start of a whole new adventure.

Click to BIGGIFY!

BUT before any of that happens, I am still fighting the good fight against this dude and by fight, I mean flapping a wet flannel in his general direction.

Click to Biggify

He is the......Procrastinating Poltergeist, my arch nemesis! One of the many beasts in my Mental Health Monsters Menagerie, along with the  Boggart..The lovely Mr James Clayton reawakened these beasts with his Haiku Beasts. These Mental Health Monsters are an ongoing project, mainly in my head at the moment, but something that I definitely want to develop further. It seems that people have really identify with them, whenever I have mentioned them previously, so I want to unleash more.

I rather enjoyed writing the Paradigm post and the comments that you left really added something to it. It was awesometriffic that you could follow what I meant, as I worry that what makes sense in my head, is never going to translate that well to the written (typed) word. I have already decided on what the next word will be and this doodle and blog is a clue of sorts.

Tumbling:

As you know I am a big twitter user (If you didn't, you do now), I have also added tumbling to my ever increasing web presence. My particular tumblr blog is called Other bits and pieces and I am using it as an bookmarker/idea dump. Instead of just gathering information for endless blogposts and never doing anything with it, the tumblr blog is there to keep up the momentum for when I have a mind bubble moment. Then I get to put all that mindbubbly stuff in a huge wiffly waffly post like this, hooray.

/end waffle

Paradigm erm what? A word adventure.

I have been thinking again.................. I know, I know, what am I doing that for?

It all started with a simple tweet from @zebraspolkadots, and a link to her blog post Claiming A New Paradigm...For Myself. This post intrigued me, in fact just the word 'paradigm' grabbed my attention. So then she wrote this post Claiming A New Paradigm For Myself-Part 2  and finally part 3.

Paradigm is/was one of those words that registered somewhere is this brain of mine, but I wasn't sure why and it what context I had heard the word previously. So I decided to go on a google adventure of sorts, find the origin of my paradigm memory and then try to understand the context in which @zebraspolkadots intended in her posts. My brain has felt more than flabby lately and I fully admit to not knowing everything, even though at times I act like the worlds biggest smart arse. Why pretend to understand something when I plainly don't?  It is exciting and challenging learning new things,so hold onto your hats, because I may confuse you, as much as I confuse myself with this post.

First I insert 'Paradigm' into the great googly moogly and trawl through the results until I get a 'Bingo!' moment. That is when I read something that either tickles a memory and/or makes sense to me.

The bare bones definition is:

The word paradigm ( Greek:παράδειγμα (paradigma),composite from para- and the verb δείχνυμι "to show", as a whole -roughly- meaning "example") has been used in linguistics and science to describe distinct concepts.

A more realistic definition for me:

The most annoying and misused word in the English language; used intentionally by stupid people to sound smart or by smart people to sound unintentionally stupid. Urban Dictionary

The first thing that tickled a memory was seeing these images whilst reading about 'Paradigm Shift'

Old Woman and Young Woman My Wife and My Mother-In-Law, by the cartoonist W. E. Hill, 1915 (adapted from a picture going back at least to a 1888 German postcard)

Duck/Rabbit Source: Jastrow, J. (1899). The mind's eye. Popular Science Monthly, 54, 299-312.

Both of these images, show how you can look at the same thing and in turn 'see' two different things. Nothing about the image changes, just your perception of it. A dude called Thomas Kuhn, knows a lot more about this subject than  I do 'Paradigm Shifts'.

But that is not the paradigm you are looking for.....(said in Obi-Wan Kenobi stylee)

So on I plod in search of this elusive Paradigm definition that would make sense to me and I try not to get ahead of myself with 'paradigm shifts', before I actually know what a Paradigm really is.

It seems that I have wandered into the world of, god forbid, buzzwords... You know those horrid things that sales and marketing people love to use, as they target us poor members of the public. People really don't like buzzwords and jargon, as seen here , but underneath all the bullshit, they are metaphors that can be applied to all sorts of life situations.

Heard of the term 'Thinking outside the box' ? Did you ever wonder what the box was, what was inside that box? Well it turns out the 'box' is in fact a bloody paradigm! Who would of thunk it, that bloody box holds a lot of information. In that box a lot of things lurk, dark nasty things, like:

• The World is flat
• Creation instead of Evolution
• Moon is made of cheese
• Other evil things 

Outside the box, lives Blue Skies and all sorts of lovely things, in fact, outside the box the possibilities are endless. It even holds the key to solving the Nine Dots Puzzle! woo hoo.

So it seems, that I am in fact leaving the science behind and in fact talking about labels that people stick on you, as you plod through life. Think of yourself sat in the box, what labels, or to be fancy, what paradigms have been stuck on you?

Nobody puts Claire in a box! ( Must be said in a Patrick Swayze style R.I.P Mr Swayze)

Actually I am pretty sure people have put me in a box, in fact I have put myself in a box many times over my life. The 'I am ugly' , ' I am worthless', 'I am stupid' and 'I am fat' box, to name but a few. I also know that other people get labelled with damaging things like 'You are mental' 'You are crazy' 'You are broken' 'You are damaged goods' and I am sure you can add a shit load to that list.

People eventually accepted that the earth was not flat, does this mean that eventually people will accept that the labels you are given in this life, are not stuck on with superglue and you can rip them off. I am sure ripping the labels off can be painful, but surely once the sting has gone, the scab really heals over the wounds left by those labels and you can flick it off? Was that a scab metaphor to far? 

I created the doodle during the weekend just gone and to decided to test my twitter followers doodle guessing skills,to see if they could guess what one word prompted the above doodle, without any other information than the actual doodle itself.

After quite a few guesses, one person got it right, so I am sending them the doodle for their hard work, lucky them?

Paradigm Doodle explained: It makes sense to me and that is what really matters......

Click image to make it BIG

Other interesting and far more sensible paradigm like articles are here and here, also a fascinating video featuring Ken Robinson here (really worth a watch).

I don't know what the point of this post was really, I just found the subject rather bloody interesting and would hate to be sat in a box all alone, never to be shifted.

Mind Bubbles, Mind Apples and Mental Health

Oops over two weeks since I last blogged on this here beloved blog of mine, things have been hectic in real life, with non fun power cuts, planning younger sisters hen weekend and waiting for niece/nephew number 3 to arrive (over a week late now!). I still managed to take a photo a day for project365 thang, but even those got uploaded a few days late, on day 116 already (fookin hell). To be perfectly frank (well just Claire), I didn't have much to say, so just didn't. Luckily for you during that time my creative batteries have been recharged.

Mind Bubbles

Click to see it Large(r)

Mind Bubbles

I am quite the arty farty person when I want to be, I suppose another term for it would be 'creative',  it is not so much focused on ability, more on the urge to always be doing something visually creative like photography, blogging and doodling to in my case.
I am always thinking of things to doodle, blog and photograph, so much so, that I kinda forget on purpose that I have other stuff to do, even if it is interesting, it is always going to be less fun that doodling. So where is that inner voice, the 'sensible voice' telling me "hey stop fannying around and get on with your college work". Well after some in-depth research with my buddy TJ, it has been discovered that the sensible voice has been locked in a chest and thrown into the ocean, once it reached the bottom of the ocean floor it is guarded by evil fish, who use bubbles to further muffle the sound of the sensible voice.
Bubbles are tricky things, you have those amazing thoughts/ideas that pop into your head, that can lead to a great doodle, blog post or whatever, they can be called 'Mind Bubbles'. It is up to you what you do with these 'Mind Bubbles' either capture them by writing the ideas down or simply let them float away. The thing to be wary of is when BOTDK appear, these are Bubbles of the Dangerous Kind, evil bubbles that distract you and take you away from your assignments, into dangerous places like blogging forums and even more nefarious than that.... facebook and its games!

Mind Apples

Mind Apples

Click to see it Large(r)

I happened upon Mind Apples a while back on twitter and immediately loved their 'mental' 5 a day concept, here is a brief excerpt from their site:

Mindapples promotes mentally healthy living for everyone through simple, everyday activities. Rather than telling people what to do, we’re asking everyone to pick their own 5-a-days and share them with the world.

How can you share your mind apples? Well they have a survey on their site, in which you can share the things that you do on a daily basis to keep yourself mentally healthy. I had fun thinking of things I do daily to keep myself happy, even if I don't manage 5 a day, I certainly manage to do something, whether its taking a photo, doodling or just enjoying a bloody good cup of tea.

You can have a nose at the Mind Apple Site or go straight to the Mind Apple Survey

It gave me the excuse to have at whirl at using water colours from my doodles, well water soluble pencil thingies. In the first doodle, I used crappy thin paper, so it all wrinkled when the paper dried, so on the second one I used thickish card. I am kind of chuffed with the them and it was really nice to take some time yesterday just to have a play. What do you think of them?

Time for another survey:
I follow all things Mental Health on twitter, Mind Apples mentioned above is just one great example of the informative way you can use twitter to educate people on mental health type subjects. Another twitterer I follow in the realms of Mental Health is @mentalcapital and the other day a he tweeted about a interesting survey. The survey is about  web-use by people with lived experience of mental health issues, so if you fancy chipping in with your opinion, then click here: SURVEY

The more voices that chime in with their experiences of using the internet as either a person who suffers with mental health issues, or a person that cares for someone with mental health issues (professional or personal) then the more informative the surveys outcome will be. A couple of minutes of your time, answering some very interesting questions is all it takes. Let me know what you thought, if you do indeed take the survey, always fun to know if something I found interesting,is found equally interesting by you lot.

Till the next the post dudes, in the meantime watch out for the BOTDK and have a whirl at doing your Mental 5 a day.

Chasing Rainbows and stuff

Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.
Lord Byron

Read more »

It all floats to the bottom

Basically, when you are down at The Bottom, 

Marine Snow is the shit which rains down on you. 

The amount, and the size of the shit depends on the season.

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately, mainly from my 'Mentalhealthish' list on twitter. Those on my mentalhealthish' list, sit either side of the couch, around it, on it or even behind it (hat tip to @wondedgenius for that phrase). Meaning they are clients, therapists or those that work in some capacity within the mental health field. Hopefully nobody on the list minds being tagged as 'mentalhealthish', it was just an easier way to keep tabs on why I was following certain folk over on twitter. They are a mixed bunch of folks, that amuse, educate and entertain constantly, not that that is their job, just a happy coincidence for me.

Not sure how to write this without sounding too gushing, sappy or just ridonkulous, but some of the posts I have read, have been far more inspiring and insightful than any book I have read of late. I think it is important to constantly keep your toes in the water, whatever stage of learning/studying you are at. You can never stop learning, if you think you know enough, then you are quite simply daft. Also the perspective you gain from hearing/reading about mental health issues from all parties is invaluable.

The doodle is inspired by a poem, a blog and well some more blogs. Some people have the rare talent of being able to write so well, that you feel almost part of their world, not in their world, but teetering around the edges. You get a glimpse of the highs and the lows in their life. It is impossible to be unaffected by the emotions so beautifully written, even if they are painful, you are grateful that they have been shared. So from that mixture of emotions, the above doodle was born. Click it to see it 'biggified' if you like.

Don't worry I am not getting anyone's face tattooed on my body yet! I am no mentalist! (Alan Partridge reference). I just hope people keep on writing, so that I can keep on learning (without anyone feeling like a guinea pig).

Some poetry follows...(Don't worry not mine!)

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Plot Bunnies, photographs and sunshine

First of all thanks for reading the rather long winded 'Three years and counting' post. Hands up if you just scrolled down to the comments? I know some of you buggers did..... heh.
(click to read definition of 'heh', as my offline folks don't usually have a clue).
Anyhoo it was nice to see folks from the past emerge and comment, I call those folks the 'oldies' and was pleasantly surprised to see new folks comment, those shall be the 'newbies'.

The Evil Plot Bunny

For some it is nanowrimo time once more, this is when some crazy folks crack out a novel in a month. All those that I know doing it, are what I would call writers. This leads me once more into the murky world of writing vs blogging. I am firmly entrenched in the ' I am a blogger' category, because quite frankly calling myself a writer feels utterly ridiculous. In saying that, I feel bad, I have spotted that light, I have followed it down a murky tunnel..... Yes I want to be a writer, I want to write a book and yes I hate myself for it. Alright I don't actually hate myself, but it does feel rather daft and grandiose.

I blame .............The Evil Plot Bunny, that furry creature that leaves droppings of ideas all over the place.

Miss Dorman inspired this doodle, so thanks a lot! (lol)

Mumborg News

The Mumborg should be released on Monday, if they get all the paperwork in order. She had a weekend visit and that went rather well, so huzzah and all that bollocks. It will be nice to finally get back to living and having some fun! For the Mumborg I mean. It has been bloody boring, well up until the removing of the leg part. Once she is all settled in and sorted, I will write a longer update.

Keep reading for more stuff and nonsense
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Operation Lopitoff complete

Well Operation Lopitoff has been completed and I now have a one legged mumborg.

Waiting, waiting and a bit of waiting.

Although I knew that the operation would most likely be on the Friday just gone, it was not for definite. So on Thursday, the triumvirate finally made the decision that the leg would be lopped off on the Friday. I am nicknaming the three surgeons the 'Triumvirate', because it sounds cool and there are three of them. The gruesome thrusome, didn't quite work or sound evil enough. Even though to all accounts they are all lovely and have just fallen victim to my artistic license.
Anyhoo back on track, things were scheduled to kick off at around 11am on Friday morning. I think waiting around for word from the hospital is quite possibly one of the most difficult things about these types of situations. You are literally helpless. If you have flown recently, you may have noticed the flight tracker thingy on the little screen that lets you know the flight progress, one of those would be great for surgery. Although if things started flashing and suddenly went blank, that may cause some concern...
You try not to let your mind wander 'there', my there is the death type of 'there'.  The thought of the mumborg dying on the operating table is a nightmare of mine. But like every surgery, there is that tricky thing of complications and possibilities, so I would rather be armed with the worst possible outcomes, than blind to them.
After sevenish hours of waiting, we finally heard that she was out of surgery and had ended up straight back on her ward. I was expecting HDU at the very least, maybe even ICU time, but for her to be back on her ward was good news. At first when I heard she was back on her ward, I actually hoped that they hadn't done the operation or had somehow fixed the leg. I went through all those thoughts in my head, because I didn't want any disappointment to show in my face. The dad went to see her first, they needed a moment just for themselves. Then a while later, Heather and I went in.
My eyes went first to the large space where the leg and bits once were, in that moment it seemed like a huge chunk of her was missing. It is hard to put into words how it feels in that moment, because as you are looking, your mind is already adapting. I suppose I would go with 'weird', it just felt weird. Then the mumborg speaks and the weirdness fades a wee bit, because it is still her.

It doesn't grow back

As far as the surgeons are concerned the operation went well, even though they are still upset that it came to this. I think they are relieved that things are healing well and mumborg came through the operation in as good a condition as one could expect.

Where is the leg?
The Mumborg was hoping that they would be able to do something useful with the leg, at least study the epic fail of a limb that it is, but alas no. Due to the very heavy restrictions on all things in regards to infection control, the leg had to go straight to the incinerator. I guess that could be classed as a funeral of sorts, well at least a cremation. Unfortunately we don't get the ashes, so when she does pop her clogs in the far far distant future she will be missing a bit.

One Legged Mumborg

I found a earlier model of the one legged mumborg here - One legged hopper

Once the relief kicks in that the mumborg made it through the operation, the realisation that I have a one legged mumborg sets in. You know it is going to happen, you talk about it happening, but then it actually happens. Quite frankly it is rather shocking, a large part of a person you love is missing. Tis not the outward that makes up the essence of a person, so whilst she is incomplete on the outside, inside in a soul like way she is the same person. Does that make it easier to get your hand around? Yes to some extent it does.

What next?

Let us leave that morbid stuff behind and focus on the positive stuff, which is basically wrapped up in one neat package called 'Mumborg'. The mumborg is already 'up' and about, in regards to being allowed in her electric wheelchair, but that is causing some pain, not that she would admit to it. The wound is dry (no ooze or blood) and she may even be allowed off the antibiotics soon. I thought she would be on IV antibiotics for months, but looks like this wont be happening, which is great.
The next challenge is physiotherapy and the question of will she be able to walk on crutches? Considering that her shoulders dislocate all the time and the other leg is not exactly fantastic, this possibility is still very much up in the air. Although the mumborg is determined to walk again, so who am I to discourage that. If things go really well, then she could be home soon and back to being the pain in my arse, hooray!


Random thoughts
Time flies when you are not having fun! Can't believe it has been nearly two weeks since I wrote anything on here. It has been a roller-coaster of emotions, that has left me feeling a bit nauseous and very bloody tired!


If you have only recently joined in on the mumborg adventures just click the 'mum' to find out more.

Risking Life and Limb

When writing the post entitled The Resilient Leg, I already knew that the bloody thing wasn't resilient. It should have been called The Resilient Mumborg, as she keeps going even when certain limbs become defective and dangerous. Can you guess where I am going with this post? The thing that I had hoped I would never have to write about, well one of the things anyways. The Mumborg and the not so resilient leg have decided to part ways and it is not on good terms at all. There is nothing more the doctors can do with the leg, other than lop it off, so that is what they will be doing in a few weeks. It takes a while to get things sorted. Teams of surgeons, an operating theatre booked for the day, oodles of blood ready to go. Also the mumborg has to be in as tip top shape as one can be, when one is having their leg removed.

Amputate verb
cut off, remove, separate, sever, curtail, truncate, lop off.

The type of amputation is call a Hind-quarter amputation or a

Hemipelvectomy (posh whatnot name as one of mum's nurses said)

(Science: procedure) amputation of a lower limb through the sacroiliac joint.

How do you feel?
People have asked me, including myself how hearing that the mumborg losing the leg is affecting me.
Do you want to know that I have sat here with tears running downing my face, trying to choke them back at times. I don't want a hug, I don't want sympathy, and I want to cry about it. I don't want the feelings to overwhelm me, but I don't want to ignore them either. There is a sense of relief letting the tears flow and at times snot flows too, then I wipe my face with dressing gown sleeve and carry on. I don't want an audience when I feel like this, I am not bottling it up, it is just mine and for me. So when people ask, I say 'If the mum is okay, then so am I', it is my new mantra. I know it is a shit situation, I know I have every reason to be upset, I also know that words and hugs wont make it all better. That probably makes me sound like an ungrateful wretch, but that is just how I roll. That doesn't mean don't ask me or don't express what you are feeling, I appreciate it, and I really do. It all gets filed into a special place that I know I can dip into when I need it.

When good old Willy wrote this:

"Care I for the limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give me the spirit."

 William Shakespeare quotes (English Dramatist, Playwright and Poet, 1564-1616)

I don't think Willy had the mumborg in mind, or indeed amputation, but for me this sums up what is important. The mumborg is full of spirit no matter what her body has in mind for her, her spirit is as resilient as ever. If she was devastated about this, I have no idea how I would feel, luckily I don't have to go there. As I looked around for more appropriate limb quotes, if there is such a thing, I came across this one

"The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired."

Robert Southey quotes (English Poet and Writer of prose. 1774-1843)

Is that true I wonder? Will time heal the anguish, but leave a loss? Luckily through writing, even when it feels indulgent and emo, I am thankful for this space to write. Mainly because I will be able to look back at this in a few weeks, months or years and see how things have changed for me.


How does the mumborg feel?
The mumborg has had to live with the pain, the operations, the long long hospital stays and everything else. So quite frankly she is more than okay with divorcing this limb. Yet again I went quote searching for a way to sum up how she has explained it to me and this one does it quite well.

"I would consent to have a limb amputated to recover my spirits"

 Samuel Johnson quotes (English
Poet, Critic and Writer. 1709-1784)

Where is the leg going?
Once the leg is removed it will more than likely be incinerated, the mumborg thinks this is wasteful and has asked whether it would be of use to anyone else. That made me laugh , maybe the local zoo would like it for lion food? She wasn't impressed with my suggestion of cremating the leg and keeping it in a mini urn, waiting for the rest of her. I thought it was a practical suggestion, apparently not. Joking aside maybe some medical students can practice their suturing skills on it or something like that, seems a shame to just chuck it in a furnace. Although as I am typing this, I actually think 'Fuck it' and 'Burn that fucker' would be more appropriate.

Final thoughts for now
The operation is going to be horrendous, with side effects of severe blood loss and possibly death, so until the operation stage is over I am just going to focus on the day to day things of life, as best I can. After that I will be looking into the new world of buying one shoe, one legged doodles and all things amputee related.

I have not forgotten about my mental health monsters, I have more than ever developing and welcome the chance to indulge in something that feels rewarding, whilst still being hugely enjoyable.

If you have only recently joined in on the mumborg adventures just click the 'mum' to find out more.

A pictorial update

I am currently working on my next mental health monster post and would like to thank everyone for reading the boggart post! It is reassuring to know that I can write a long post and not cause everyone to run to hills! Hooray for me.

If you have any mental health monster suggestions feel free to leave them in the comment box. So far I have the Procrastinating Poltergeist, who is helped out by the Lethargic Leprechaun and the Imp of Inertia. Also I have the Transference Troll and the Depressed Dragon. Some kind soul suggested the Nymphomaniac Gnome, but I think I will leave that one for now, unless it suddenly becomes a burning issue.

While I am working on the new material, I will throw up some photographs for you to gaze upon.

First is a collage of my cousin Sam's passing out parade, which basically means he has completed his first six months training in the army, Royal Engineers to be more precise.

After the parade, the Dad and I headed through the Cotswolds and had a lovely weekend looking at villages and eating nice food. I would of took a lot more photographs, but had a major battery fail and had to steal these ones off the dad.

The bogart in my brain

This is a wordy post for me; it may cause some people to faint in shock. Not at the content, just the fact that I wrote a long post. 

I was perusing through the several million posts currently languishing in my Google reader. If you don't know what I am talking about, the Google reader is like a dream catcher for blogs or it's actually this Google Reader. Anyhow back to the stream of consciousness that I am currently riding on, whilst perusing I came across a post entitled The Better Bogart Within and thought Aha! That is exactly how I have been feeling lately, so I merrily clicked on it to read more.

Hold the phone! Wait a bloody minute! How could I have been so wrong, that is not the Bogart I have been looking for (lame sort of Star Wars joke). The post in question talks about Humphrey Bogart and I already know from my wee twitter experiment, that Bogart evokes images of Mr Bogart the famous actor. So when I read the word Bogart, what popped into my noggin? 

Which is actually one of these: Boggart

Why did I identify with the Boggart in the first place?

In various children's books and films, the Boggart is something nice that turns into something rather nasty when you upset it, insult it, poke it and just generally piss off the bugger. Well after writing down my feelings of late, I feel like I have been a bit of a Boggart, more to the point I have been feeding mine.

My interpretation of a Boggart, let us call him/her H.Bogart (a nod to good old Humphrey), is that part of you that feeds on all the negative stuff happening around you, on a mostly subconscious level. I say mostly, because sometimes you are more than aware of the stuff that is impacting you negatively. Before you know it, you have manifested your very own Boggart on the brain. My kind of Boggart is not a mythical beast from folklore, but a more tangible beast that lives in my head. What and why have I been feeding this beast of mine?

What does my Boggart eat?

Stress is like a Chinese banquet for a family of six for my Boggart. That stress can be split into handy Boggart sized portions, covering every aspect of my life, from lack of sleep to worrying about a multitude of things. All of this equals one big fat hairy bloody Boggart and if this is all in your head, it can certainly weigh you down. How do you get your Boggart to weigh less? Put them on a ruddy diet! Easier said than done I hear you cry! I have tried diets and they suck monkey's balls. Well guess what? Effort goes into producing a fat hairy bloody Boggart, so effort is needed to lighten the load. Whether it is baby steps or monster steps, just looking in the right direction is a start. Heck thinking about looking in the right direction is a start.

Putting the Boggart on a Diet

Remember your Boggart may be lazy, anti-social and a bit stinky. Also getting him out of that mental closet will prove a tad difficult. Here are some pointers to getting rid of that Boggart mental flab hanging around.

Talk about it- Although you may still be hairy and look like a Boggart, with a bit a spit stuck in your whiskers from all that ranting and raving. I still recommend finding an ear to listen to you, whether that is friends, family, doctor or whatever trusted ear you chose.

Write about it- Not necessarily blog it like me, I am lucky to have this as an outlet. I do occasionally pick up a pen and write on paper! It is a revelation. The good thing about paper is that it burns and it is great at times to write whole load of brain spillage and then burn it. Careful the Boggart may try to eat the paper and crayons, they are funny like that.

Draw it out- Well obviously I love doodling and that works for me. Just think of how many other art forms there are to use and abuse in order to get some of that stuff out of your head. Remember the Boggart and their tendency to eat drawing materials.

Scream about it, Cry about it, Walk it out, Run it out, Swim it out, Dig it out (gardening not lobotomy), Dance it out, Blast it out (musically not explosives).

What do you feed your Boggart? Does it have a name?

Self awareness is the key to combating the inner Boggart; put him/her on a diet if you can. According to folklore the worst thing you can do is give a Boggart a name, but to that I say phooey! 

Don't hate your Boggart; just don't ignore him/her either.

Negative things happen all the time, shit happens, the less polite of us will say. Don't kick yourself in the face when something bad happens, just try and minimise the damage that it does by talking things out, or whatever works for you (See Boggart Diet). If you haven't found anything that works, then try something new. I know, I know, easier said than done in some cases, but that mental shift has to happen to make any difference to your inner Boggart. For your inner Boggart, a lucky horseshoe aint going to do much at all in ridding you of your Boggart like feelings.

Final piece of Boggart Advice: Do not try and escape your Boggart by running away, he will follow you whether you go, unless dealt with correctly. A real Boggart will follow its family from abode to abode, but a mental Boggart lives in your head and you can't escape from yourself. That is not meant to sound all woe is me! Boggart battling may sound scary (or ridiculous), but the outcome is worthwhile.

In my Boggart research I came across this fantastic post and it seems I am not original at all when it comes to using the Boggart as a metaphor for those internal struggles:

Freud, Id, Boggarts And Dementors

Consider my post 'The idiots guide to Boggarts and their ritualistic feeding habits' and the above linked post as 'Boggarts for the Enlightened'. I kind of hate this person for already writing a Boggart post, especially a good one! Curses to them, but it was too good to pretend I hadn't read it and it deserves three thumbs up (Uh oh I am feeling a bit of a green eyed Boggart coming on, back beast,backkkkkkkkkkkkk).


Did this make any sense? If not, just ignore it and blame bloody Humphrey Bogart (What a twat).

/runs off to find a dark closet

What do counsellor's/therapists wear?

Hello chums, chaps,dudes, blokes, imaginary friends, not so imaginary ones and my dear readers. Welcome to yet another Claire wiffle waffle moment. It is just one of those days where random thoughts are being pondered and not a lot of sense is being made.
Yesterday I went to the local cancer support centre to see if I can do my volunteer counselling hours there for my counselling diploma. I wasn't feeling that nervous till it was time to go and then slight days of chunder feelings swooshed over me, but I got a grip of it and off I went.
The centre is a lovely place, as soon as you walk in it has such a nice vibe and it is run by lovely people.That is what I decided in the first few minutes anyways. It was an informal interview over a cup of coffee, were I was asked what models of counselling I would use, confidentiality issues, number of sessions, time available and all that fun stuff. I was also very happy to hear that they pay for my counselling supervision hours, which is great news for me! I didn't expect that at all. Expenses for travelling were offered also, but I shall be walking so wont need that. Then I got showed around the place, most importantly for me was seeing the listening room (counselling room).I got rather excited after having a look round and they seem happy to have me on-board with them. Just need to finish that college work stuff and get my references from college tutors, then away we go!

What does one wear?

When I left, I was left with one question buzzing around my noggin, what does one wear? As I have been a wretched student for some time now, my wardrobe accurately depicts this. So I have to have a think on what is suitable to wear for counselling?  I think the question in itself is interesting, as I myself have perceptions on what counsellors wear already, mainly because of my college tutors and classmates.

So as I was pondering, I did above doodle and twittered this question:

When you picture a counsellor/therapist, what did you picture them wearing? Anything in particular? Birthday suit is not a accepted answer .

Replies

@crpitt hrmmm I'll bite =D Brunette in form fitting suit, hair rolled up in a bun, glasses, with an innocent, but naughty look (via xight)
@crpitt I picture a female and wearing a semi professional skirt suit. Is that wrong? :) (via Cyran)
@crpitt that hot librarian look is good. Sorta demure but not. And not too much black (via yogachicky)
@crpitt I think what the counsellor should wear depends on who his or her clients are. Who are you going to be working with? (via cleiomao)
@crpitt Not sure how it is in the UK, but here, there are lots of muted, understated looks in the therapy field. (via Miragi)
@crpitt What we'd call "business casual" over here. No suits, but not too dress-down. (via Aerten)
@crpitt wear what u feel comfy in non restricting non showing of the breasts(important for female counsellors) nothing that distracts work (via Tao_of_Pooh)

Do counsellors that are paid versus counsellors that are volunteers wear different clothes? Does the type of client dictate what you 'should' wear? Does it matter to you?

Other stuff:

Mumborg is not behaving at all, yesterday she dislocated her hip/leg again! Just moving in her hospital bed. It is horrendously painful for her, I only know that because when she actually mentions something is painful, that means it is really painful. So she was nil by mouth most of the day, getting x-rayed and stuff, but they couldn't fit her into surgery till this morning.Which is not good for the mumborg, especially with the state of that leg already.

A hip dislocation is a true orthopaedic emergency in that the incidence of subsequent avascular necrosis of the femoral head is a time-dependent phenomenon becoming increasingly common if relocation is delayed beyond 6 hours.

The major major operation is scheduled for a week on Friday, with removal of everything bone and metal wise from the knee and up, to the hip area. That area will then be left 'floppy' i.e. no bones, till it is 100% infection free. Then they will see about reconstructing the leg, if that fails then the leg will have to go.

Some poetry via assignment whatever

Shhhh I am not actually here, I am hard at work! It was my last actual learning session in college last night and after a wee party on Monday that will be it. I have some extra time to hand in outstanding work, but the vast majority has to be in by Thursday (gulp).

Here are the handouts I produced for a presentation I did on Body Dysmorphic Disorder, I found poetry that some BDD sufferer's had written that I thought was very powerful and wanted to share it on here. 

Assignment Ten Handout

View more PowerPoint presentation from Claire Pitt.

I am I

In searching for poetry for my 'Who Am I' project I am came across this poem by Fritz Perls, called the 'Gestalt Prayer' .
I was already familiar with old Fritzy but not this poem or the supposed controversy that surrounds it. Well controversy may be stretching it a wee bit, maybe discussion starting is better.
It seems that when some people reproduce this poem they omit the last line 'If not, it can't be helped', I wonder why? Also do you see this poem as oversimplfying things, as life is just not that simple? It certainly appeals to me, so I will be having a think on it.

Other news:
Check out my new counselling student squidoo type thing, where I am going to collect together all the counselling resources I have found useful: A student in counselling (broke the link before)

Olga steps up the MoonWalking campaign for me These boobs are made for walking

Briefly spotted

At the beginning of this course, in the middle of this course and towards the end of this course, I swore blind that I would not leave all my work to the last minute. I had great plans, timetables and to do lists to prevent a last minute rush to the finish line, my plans were in fact excellent.
So of course I ignored all common sense and have done what I always do, leave everything to the last bloody minute. The main thing that I did manage to keep to up to date with was this here blog, as a record of my personal development and journal entries. So in your own way, who ever actually reads this, you have made it into my counselling portfolio (lucky buggers).

If you haven't already, check out my counselling posts and in particular my presentation which highlights my journey to becoming a counsellor (therapist) : Personal philosphy on counselling 


Over the next weeks I will mainly be rambling, swearing, yelling at the world via twitter @crpitt

Personal Philiosophy on Counselling (sort of)

Well hopefully this uploads okay, because I have wasted years of my life trying to post the fucker rather difficult thing.

It is my take on the Personal Philosophy assignment I was given in college. In which we were required to create a twenty minute presentation for our class group on our Personal Philosophy as it relates to counselling and counselling studies.

I hope it provides a insight into the internal process of my rambling mind, as I try to get to grips with various concepts and theories.It is also full of humour, doodles, analogies, metaphors and whatnots.

Counselling Personal Philosophy

View more presentations from Claire Pitt.

Please let me know what you think.

Personal Philiosophy on Counselling

Whilst fannying about researching and typing up all things college like, I use twitter to sound out thoughts and ponderings about counselling and being a therapist/counsellor. Not sure if I am actually doing counselling/therapy any favours at all.....

Personal counselling philosophy of the day: Your therapist is the imodium to your emotional diarrhoea.

Personal philosophy of the day: Sometimes you need therapy like you need a colonic irrigation, shit builds up and you need help working it out.

My personal philosophy is....Life is full of potholes, pack a torch, rope and crampons, climb the fuck out and then get ready to do it all again.

At the moment I am reworking  my 'personal philosophy on counselling' presentation and I thought I would add a splash or two of humour to the mix. Also I wanted to drop the F bomb into it just to see if anyone notices.It was meant to be done tonight in class, but the nervous and the technologically challenged went first. I like to pretend that I wasn't nervous at all, which was of course a wee fib and as we over ran I now have till Monday to rejig it.

I may even post it on here, if your really really good......

Who Am I? The beginning

 For the final project of my counselling diploma, we have been asked to do a reflective piece. It is entitled 'Who Am I?,how about that for an daunting title, yikes! Although its the final project, it has been worked on since the beginning of the diploma (supposedly).

What are we expected to do?

You are required to design a project over the duration of the two year Diploma in Counselling course entitled "Who Am I?".

You are encouraged to be as creative as you wish in designing this project.
You may use photographs, films, recordings etc.

You are expected to examine and reflect on the following points as part of your project:

An awareness of your own self-knowledge of your patterns of behaviour and thought processes and feelings.

Effects of history/background on present behaviour and thought processes and feelings.

An understanding of development of 'self', Identity and self concept.

Evaluation of your own reactions on the therapeutic relationship

Own responses and perceptions of client: behaviours, words. thoughts, feelings, body language etc.

Self - analysis of own needs and their effects on the counselling relationship.

How are we going to do this? 

In College: Group Work, Individual Work and Personal Development Groups.

External: Journal, Reading, Other Personal/Professional Development Activities.

I have been collecting all sorts of tidbits to go into this project, but I really need to crack on and get a proper idea of how I want it to flow. The good thing is, that this here blog is a big part of my 'Who Am I' project, which is pretty fortunate for me. I have looked into how to make this project look good and have found a pretty nifty 'turn blog to book' site called Blurb.You just download the book writing/making software and get cracking. The prices seem reasonable and because its such a special project I don't mind forking out extra to make it look really cool. Not that I will be using all the blog for the project, but a fair chunk of it will at least inspire some of its final content. I will be posting a lot of the 'project' on this blog, not all of it, as some will be too personal and other stuff would breach client confidentiality.

College Notes for today (November 5th)

Today (November 5th) is a directed study day, so I have been on the hunt for more resource tools for my toolbox. See what I did there? Tools for my toolbox, there are metaphors for everything! Unless someone tells me that is not actually a metaphor, but in fact something else?

What did I do with this valuable time, whilst having to listen to fireworks exploding all over the place (it was bommy night). Well I don't like recommending sites willy nilly, and only do so if I truly get something from what I have read. So this is just a brief run-down of some of the good eggs I have found in the huge internet basket.

Good Finds

Living life to Full.
The Mood Gym.
The e-couch.

All the above are online resources for anyone to use, I have started to use all three so will report back in a month or so.

Social network niches

A friend of mine has recently pointed out that there is a social network for nearly everything. I personally am interested in anything that helps with personal development and other counselling topics. Are specific sites a good thing? Do they help? So with that in mind I have being taking a look at these two in particular:

• 12 Step Space Recovery oriented social networking.
  
• Sober Circle A recovery community.
  

I will be writing a review on them very soon, if you know of any more social network sites that fit into the 'mental health' niche let me know. Any other input on this type of thing would be great.

The Future.

I have been looking into what type of counselling I want to specialise in, there is so much to chose from. I am really drawn to Art Therapy and Children Counselling, so a combination of both would be great. Although in saying that, I would also really enjoy doing personal development work with any age group. I don't really think I will be able to make a clear decision, until I have been out on placement for a while.

Personal Journal Entry

Even though I wasn't in college tonight, I still think I should write an entry for my personal journal. After having a week to think about the group dynamics and getting a chance to vent, I feel a lot better about the situation now. Of course I may feel totally different on Monday when everyone should be back in class, but for now I am cool. Even though I have broken my only personal record for crying in public, which is a strange thing for me to get my head round. I don't feel bad about doing it, well maybe a bit, it just feels new to me.

There are so many resources on the internet and I wish someone would put them all in one place for me. That way I wouldn't waste so much time looking for stuff, well actually I probably still would. So that's another thing that I have to reflect on, oh goodie (not).

After I have caught up on college notes, I will post 'The List'. I am posting a list of all the college like things I have to do before June 09, some should of been done last June (gulp).